Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
