I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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