we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
