I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
