He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
