I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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