It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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