I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Me too!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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