I cannot find my penis.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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