For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
