this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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