Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
