this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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