I need help removing her.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
