i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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