brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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