So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
