Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
