walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
