Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
