pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found your dick twin last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
