it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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