yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
