Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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