I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
