Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
