It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
