i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
