blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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