Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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