In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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