I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
