if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
