You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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