i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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