it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
