No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
