Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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