I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
