Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
