Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Still dying that you shit outside
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
