its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
