My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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