This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
