He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
