he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
