Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
