karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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