apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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