I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
