Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
