You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
