Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
